My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
