if you like me you must not know who I am
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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