I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
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