They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
