"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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