hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
