I think I won the penis lottery.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
