If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You are the jesus of drinking
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
