So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
