I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
