i just had sex bonerless
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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