If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You made out with two different species that night
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
