i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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