I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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