She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
