Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
