dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
