I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
