How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
