Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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