he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
