I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
