so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
