I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
