I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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