She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
