I cockslap morals
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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