She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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