I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
