I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
