Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
