Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
