I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
