Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
