I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
its liver damage thursday
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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