There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
