Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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