honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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