Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
