one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
