I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
