Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
