so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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