i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
