So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
