We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
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