You smell like a Billy Joel song
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
