I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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