I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
