Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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